Fortune just smiles on some people – really it does!
There are many rules that you have to adhere to if you want to be a proper fan. These are generally unwritten, passed on from father to son over generations, ensuring that each new generation receives the wisdom of the many who came before.
We do things differently here of course, and in recent years one man has surpassed all other men in his attempts to educate lesser supporters and to encourage them into the inner-circle of the true supporter. That man is Richard “Bootsie” Nordsted.
Started back in the mid-naughties in this very parish, ‘Bootsie’s Guide to Being a Real Fan’ has provided guidance and enlightenment to wannabe proper fans and seasoned supporters alike, and has provided valuable instruction such as:
Rule 1.1 – To be granted real fan status, a fan must attend at least 75% of away matches in any season. Anyone attending less will be officially certified as plastic (see rule 17.2 for full details of plasticity).
Rule 2.27 – Thou shalt have a tattoo and it shall be spelt proper
Rule 2.14 – If your face ain’t on the Ring of Steel, then your fandom isn’t real
Clearly the man knows his stuff.
Today, Bootsie will show his commitment to his own rules by adhering fully to one of the fundamental pillars of proper fandom:
Rule 1.42 – If thou must get married, then make sure it’s to a woman who loves The Dons as much as you do
Much has been written of the romance between Bootsie and Lambchop, and it’s well known that they first ‘met’ online. It’s often the case that we’re drawn to people we meet online, and if that online meeting ever moves on to become a real-world meeting, it’s often a terrible disappointment. In this case, it was different. Lisa, like pretty much everybody else from that day to this, found Bootsie’s online persona really bloody annoying, so when they actually met in the real-world, he really couldn’t fail to be more attractive in person. It’s a good strategy, and one that online daters could learn a lot from.
To be serious just for one very brief second, I was on the same coach as them for the Stockport match, and they looked like they’d been together for years – they just looked right together. That’s a good sign.
To be more serious for a few seconds longer, there’s one real sign that the relationship is truly blessed, and that’s that they managed to get away with breaking one of the most critical rules of all:
Rule 1.43 – If thou must get married (to a woman who loves The Dons as much as you – see Rule 1.42) then these criteria must be applied to ensure that you don’t miss a match.
- The wedding shall take place in the months of June or early July so the playoffs are over and the pre-season friendlies haven’t started yet
- The wedding shall take place in an odd year, so you won’t clash with a world cup or european championship
- The wedding shall not take place on a Saturday
- The wedding shall take place early in the morning
- Or late at night
How many of those rules have they broken? Pretty much all of them. They choose a Saturday, in September, in an odd year and it’s in the afternoon?
And what happens?
The match they would have missed gets switched to a lunchtime kickoff so Bootsie at least won’t miss it! The gods of football are looking down and smiling on you both.
You’re lovely people, and I wish you all the best for the future.