I want all the world to see
There are some things in life that are just plain wrong, and here’s a list of them.
- Singing drummers (Levon Helm excepted)
- Women drummers (Meg White excepted)
- Two drummers in the same band, at the same time (Adam And The Ants excepted)
- Top hats in rock (I’ll give you Slash at a push, but that bloody woman from 4 Non-Blonds ruined it for everyone)
- Singing bass players (there is no exception here)
- And finally, goalkeepers as captains (Buffon excepted)
Now everything in the list above is unacceptable. There is no debate, and if you disagree, then add yourself to the list. You’ll have noticed however that the overwhelming majority are from the rock n roll world, except the last one. Having a goalkeeper as a captain is rubbish. How on earth can he influence the passage of play, or be called over by the ref’ if there’s a player who needs to be told to calm down if he’s stood in goal? Well he can’t. So there you have it. Goalkeepers as captains, absolute insanity. Strikers as goalkeepers on the other hand, now you’re talking!
MK Dons have been blessed with some great ‘keepers since I first started following them 11+ years ago. We’ve also been blessed with some absolute pish in goal as-well. So ying and yang, light and shade and all that.
My first ‘keeper, so to speak, was friend of Maggie Thatcher, Matt Baker. He wasn’t very good. He was so bad in fact that he was replaced by a Spanish waiter. He was also replaced in one game at the Hockey Stadium by Aaron Wilbraham. A striker no less. It was also Steve ‘Boring’ Claridge’s last game, who didn’t wear any shin pads for that game. Which I remember as being a tad strange.
Now, old Aaron had to don the gloves at halftime due to the fact that both our keepers were injured. One in the warm up, and Baker during the game. He did very well. Even managed to save a scuffed header from aforementioned ‘boring’ radio pundit, and we went on to either win, or draw. Can’t quite remember. So well done him. A true MK legend in more ways than one. And harking back to last week. If you’ve ever booed him when he’s played against us since, then you’re an idiot. Not only did he score a boatload of goals for us, he’s also one of the elite group of players who’ve scored in all four English domestic leagues. And he’s a cracking goalkeeper to boot. So fantastic if you booed him the night we beat his Norwich so comprehensively. Give yourself a massive pat on the back.
Anyway I digress. As I’m writing this, it’s Tuesday night, and I’m listening to the pre-Wednesday game build up on the wireless. The team has just been announced, and if I’m being honest, it’s not looking good. We couldn’t have picked a worst time to find ourselves with a growing injury list. We all know that, bearing a miracle of biblical proportions, we’re down. So kudos to Charlie Burns for making his league debut at Hillsborough. Can’t be easy at anytime, but at this late stage of the season, with every point a massive plus! The lad has my undying admiration without a doubt. It went very well for the young fella, who kept a clean sheet, with help from both posts and the crossbar, in an ill tempered match.
As you all no doubt already know, the only reason young Charlie made his league debut was solely down to the fact that Alex Revell was unavailable to continue his unbeaten run in goal, as we needed him to play upfront against Wednesday on a Tuesday. To have the courage to go in goal when you’re not a ‘keeper shows just how much of a model professional he is. He owes us nothing. I seriously doubt that he’ll be with us next season. So to don the old gloves, and the dreaded purple jersey is a hell of a thing when you’re a striker, but to then go on to save a penalty, bloody hell! I wasn’t there. I’ve never been to Preston in all my 53yrs on this planet, and I’m not intending to start now, but listening to the match on the wireless, I can hardly say that Cropper won man of the match. To cut to the chase, I was mightily pissed off with him. Rushing towards an opposition player running at you, then bringing him down, and earning yourself a straight red when you already know that the club’s first choice ‘keeper has a broken hand, well that’s just stupidity.
We’ve already had the old “he’s a good shot stopper, and his distribution is good” from the usual apologists. That’s as may be, but he’s a headless chicken who should’ve realised what he was doing. But I’m being overly harsh.
So let’s look on the bright side. He’s a young, square jawed American. He was quite good on Coronation Street. And let’s count our blessings that he’s not Ian.
Now, if only we could’ve found a goalkeeper who could play as a striker this season, we would’ve been laughing.
The peasants are revolting…
- “Did I read it right? That fans actually booed Karl Robinson??? Shame on you”
- “Yeah, totally agree, some people have very short memories!”
- “Things like this really make me feel sad for football and its fans.”
- “Do they really think that buying a ticket gives them the right to treat people like this?”
- “I agree 100%. I have no doubt that some are bullies too.”
These quotes are taken from MK’s second most popular on-line fans forum in the wake of last weekend’s defeat at the feet, and heads of Rotherham. While I think that some, if not all, are rip- roaringly hilarious (especially the one that no doubts that some are bullies) there’s a ring of truth to all of them (except the ‘bullies’ one. Which I’ve just put in because it’s funny). However, the second one down, the one that mentions short memories. Now that person hit the nail firmly in the head.
It hasn’t been a great season. You’d be delusional if you thought otherwise. But the vitriol that Robinson has received since last weekend has been nothing short of pathetic. Can you remember his reaction when we got promoted last May? Remember that day, when he came over to The Cowshed (the very same Cowshed that booed him last weekend) smiling, waving, laughing? The look of relief on his face just before the final whistle, when it’d been confirmed that he’d finally managed to do what four other previous incumbents of his position failed to. Remember that? Great wasn’t it! And how about how you felt! I mean you must’ve been walking on cloud 9. I know I was. I actually hugged complete strangers that day. It was a wonderful.
We, as a fan base, get an awful lot of stick from the wider football family. It’s the classic catch 22 situation (and if you don’t get that reference, then you should read more). We’re all two club wankers. Wonder who we supported before 2004? We’re plastic, and know nothing about real support. Which always makes me laugh. The contradiction of following another club before the move, while simultaneously knowing nothing about following a club after the move. But there you go. I’m of the belief that most people are idiots. And there’s your proof. But I think after the quite frankly shameful reaction when Robbo walked out onto the pitch last weekend to acknowledge the fans… Well, perhaps the wider football family may have a point.
If you’re reading this, and you were one of the small section who booed, then stop reading now. I don’t want folk like you reading my stuff. It’s not for you. Have you gone? Good. Then we can talk about you behind your back.
I like following MK. It’s a laugh. It’s not a proper club in the traditional sense of the idea. Good. That’s one of the main reasons I’m an avid supporter. I like Captain Beefheart (and once again, if you haven’t heard of him, then you should get out more), The Fall, Sleaford Mods. Stewart Lee, Ivor Cutler. Stuff that’s quite difficult to like. And like them, that’s why I support MK. It’s not easy following this club. When I first started, I was constantly making excuses for it. Always felt slightly ashamed. Dirty. Then one day, after I almost had a stand up fight with a Luton supporter, simply down to the fact that I actually lived in MK and had the audacity to follow MK Dons, I thought fuck it. Now I take great pleasure in rubbing it right in people’s faces. As a great man with a stick on moustache once said, I’d never be a member of a club that would have me as a member.
But enough about me and my fantastic cultural awareness. Let’s get back to the booing.
- “I personally won’t boo but people should have the right to do so”
- “If you don’t like a difference of opinion or free speech then move to North Korea”
- “Booing is now part of everybody’s working life, Robbo was booed because some didn’t like his work”
The above quotes taken from a little known MK on-line fans fourm. And once again, comedy gold. Especially No’2. Who argues the right of free speech, while denying the right he’s arguing for to others.
While there has undoubtedly been massive problems this season, but if you think Krobbo is to blame, then you’re wrong. Canny business plans, landscaped car parks, padded seats, a hotel with hundreds of rooms, a cinema, on and on and on. That won’t keep us in The Championship. If he’s got no money to spend, then who on earth is he going to bring in? The current consensus around the wonderful word of the interweb, is that our scouting team is in disarray, with the sad death of Andy King. Scouting now being headed by Winkie’s son. Make of that what you will. Playing devils advocate here, you may just have noticed that Winkie was nowhere to be seen at the end of last week’s game. Just saying like.
I’m writing this before Thursday’s fan’s forum, which you may, or more probably didn’t attend. I’m wondering how many of those who booed last weekend, booed Krobbo at the end of the forum. I’m betting none. So how about instead of berating Krobbo next time we get a right kicking, you keep your powder dry, take a deep breath, close your eyes, and think back to last May. Oh and you might like to consider not behaving like a spoilt Victorian child (Fall reference, for those ITK)
If, like me, you are a keen observer of football related social media, and associated chat rooms, forums, etc, etc, you have may have stumbled upon the phenomena of the football manager. Specifically the phenomena that goes along lines such as ‘He’s shit, he’s taken us as far as he can, and it’s time that he went’. Countered by ‘He needs more time. It’s the board’s fault for not giving him enough money’.
- Premiership, 7
- Championship, 15
- League One, 14
- League Two, 12
So there you go. We’re almost nailed on for the drop. We threw a lead away last Tuesday to a very poor Wolves, and I’m assuming that we lost to snarky Warnock and his band of New York Dolls. (These are written before the weekend you see, so not being Mystic Meg, I’ve no idea how we got on). It’s not been the greatest season I’ve seen in my 11 years of following this club. It’s not been the worst, that crown rests on the head of the one when Danny Wilson took us down. Ironically at Rotherham. But as I’ve said elsewhere. When the most exciting thing that’s happened this season is that I’ve had a part of my foot amputated, that’s says a lot about the sub-standard fare on offer pitch wise.
- Arsene Wenger, Arsenal – 19yrs. Pragmatic. Won’t change his tactics. Financially astute. They always make a profit, and always finish 4th. Ensuring Champions League, and the riches it brings.
- Paul Tisdale, Exeter City – 9yrs. Almost 10. Extremely well dressed. Happy to remain a football league team. A year or two in L1 twice a decade considered a massive success.
- Karl ‘Krobbo’ Robinson, MK Dons – 5yrs. Coming up on 6. Big fan of squad rotation and wingers. Once widely though of as the best young English manager. Always linked with whatever vacancy arrived. Not so much now. May have been ‘found out’ at this level. Fat.
If you’re expecting an answer, then you’ll be disappointed. Calling for his head, and for the board to go is just simple minded, reactionary rubbish. Who do you think will take over? Is there some oligarch waiting in the wings that we don’t know about? Is Harry Potter waving his magic wand outside Primark even as I type?
More Dons related coverage in The Daily Mail this week. Alongside some wonderful pictures of the Kardashians skiing, and someone from TOWIE displaying their toned legs and putting on a VERY busty display, they somehow managed to shoehorn a picture of stadium:mk into a piece about a convicted peadophile who had some tenuous link to The Dons. And just to add that in no way do they practice double standards.
When I was a wee small lad back in the mid-sixties (yes, I am that old) I loved footy. Went every other week. One shilling for kids. It was a serious amount of money at the time, when pocket money was two of the aforementioned bobs. We were poor, but we were happy etc, etc, etc. But as young men will, girls and music intervened, and the lure of standing on a terrace with someone pissing down the back of your leg waned somewhat.
The mid-seventies arrived. I was an original punk rocker, had a girl friend, and a stupid haircut, but more importantly, I was a skateboarder. Yes, you’ve read that correctly, I skated. I was 13 when I first started skating. I was in my mid-forties when I stopped. And yes, you’ve also read that correctly, I was in my mid-forties when I, a middle-aged man, stopped skateboarding.
Skateboarding is a truly wonderful thing. Skating in the mid-nineties when you’re in your thirties, married, a father, have a mortgage and running your own one man business, well it takes a certain amount of dedication. It wasn’t like skating in the USA, where Mom and Pop would take little Johnny down to the local park and make a day of it, was it fuck. No! Skating in the UK was punk rock. If you’d managed to keep skating through countless winters, sought out fantastic architecture on which to display your amazing skills, and well, withstood the ridicule of everyone else, you were truly punk rock.
There was one particular group of skaters from Harrow. The Death Squad they called themselves. You may have caught them on the Dirty Sanchez telly show. Now these guys were truly hardcore. Both in their skating, and indeed in their lifestyle. I remember one of them, a fella’ called Dan Cates (look him up on YouTube, you won’t be disappointed) being interviewed on the telly once. He was asked about some charity event that was going on at the time. A sponsored skate, or some such rubbish. His answer has become a catchphrase of mine to this day. Old Dan turned to the camera, smiled a gap-toothed smile, adjusted his cap, and opined… “We don’t give a fuck about charity”.
Now, I’m a cynical bugger, I really am. If someone dies that I don’t know, my initial reaction isn’t, ‘Thoughts and prayers with whoever has just pegged it’. Not me. I’m more likely to just shrug, and think, ‘Who cares!’. I didn’t pray for Muamba, I don’t know him. I wouldn’t hold a candlelit vigil if another member of the royal family pegged it. I just wouldn’t .
Okay, I’m joking. Sort of. I am very cynical, but I’ve also given significant amounts of money to charity over the years. Disaster funds, cancer, Shelter, and most importantly of all for me, the NSPCC. They’ve all had a lot of my hard earned over the years. I’ve also volunteered to work for charitable organisations for free. I do a lot for charity, but I don’t like to talk about it.
So there you go, charity. I’m all for it. Just don’t tell anyone. Now, imagine that you earned £7 per minute. That equates to £420 per hour, £3,360 per 8 hour day, £16,800 a week, £67,200 a month, and £806,400 a year. Which is of course significantly less than your average Premiership player earns. It is however somewhere around the exact amount it takes to keep Willen Hospice running. It’s a lot of money isn’t it! It’s a charity. They have to raise that money by themselves. Or hope that others will on their behalf.
So, while Samir Nasri is no doubt bombing around the streets of Manchester (average house price £85,000) in his £330,000 Lamborghini, a group of around 10 Dons supporters walked, yes walked, to Fulham. All the while two other supporters kayaked to the very same away game. I know! How on earth does one kayak to Craven Cottage? But there you go. They did. Well at least I hope they did, as I’m writing this before the attempt was made. Gonna’ look a bit stupid if they didn’t. And if they indeed did, it was all in aid of the aforementioned good cause. And if you haven’t already, then you should give them some of your hard earned money. (Links at the foot of this piece). Because if you don’t, then you’re worse that Samir Nasri, who no one likes.
Both attempts are truly admirable. The average person can walk somewhere around 20 miles in an 8 hour stint. I’ve no idea how far the average person can kayak in an 8 hour stint, but as you’re sitting down all the way, then it must be the easier option. Skateboarders can obviously outdo both. It’s 56 miles from stadium:mk to Craven Cottage. Therefore, two 8 hour stints would still leave you 16 miles on the last day. It’s an early start. And when you get there you have to watch MK. Not a pleasing thought.
So there you go. They either did, or didn’t do it. But irrespective of the final outcome, massive kudos to both attempts. This from a fan base from the universally loathed Franchise FC. So while the football world heaps scorn on us, and our estranged cousins post the most bizarre and vaguely disturbing thoughts online, our fans get up off their arses (apart from the kayaks who quite literally sat on theirs all day) and actually made a difference.
So don’t be like Dan Cates, give a fuck about charity.
When the first one signed, I hoped that he would turn out to be more Lloyd Dyer than Florian Sturm. After witnessing them play in a League Cup match, most fans were baying for the return on the Sturminator. They were woeful. Truly dreadful. Still, it was early days, and things could only get better. Things were still looking good. Let’s not forget the wonderful opening match of our Championship campaign here.
I’ve followed this club since 2005, and since then Pete Peter ‘Winkie’ Winkleman has constantly told me, yes me personally, that the club simply must be in The Championship. Quite simply must! It therefore seems a tad remiss of him to somehow, after banging on about it for the last eleven years, to fail in his research where The Championship is concerned.
Number of stories The Daily Mail ran in the last week where Samir pissed in a glass, therefore threatening the morals of the country… 0
Number of stories The Daily Mail ran in the last week featuring famous for being famous, big arsed upholders of modern family values the Kardashians… 128
On Thursday, the 17th of March, 2016, The Mail online website lead with a comment piece by Richard Littlejohn entitled, ‘The Death Of Shame, RICHARD LITTLEJOHN on what those hideous scenes at Cheltenham tell us about modern mores and morality’In said leader, the ever opinionated Mr Littlejohn, indeed opined, and held forth on the events that occurred the previous day, led by our own delightful midfield general, Samir.
While not making any excuses for his, and others, behaviour, the irony of being lectured on morality by a ‘news paper’ (and I’m using the word news under advice here) like The Daily Mail hasn’t escaped me. Littlejohn’s piece, foretelling the end of western culture as we know it due to the fact that two young girls flashed their tits, and some idiots pee’d in a glass, was run beside headlines such as… ‘Flaunts Her Beach Ready Body’, ‘Displays Her Never Ending Pins’, ‘Shares An Instagram Showcasing Her Taut Stomach’, etc, etc. (All these are in fact real. Not one made up!) While showing the indignation that Littlejohn is rightly known for, his paymasters that very day, also ran no less than fifteen, yes that’s fifteen, stories about the delightful Kardashian family. Famous for quite literally being famous, and getting yer’ arse out on the interweb. The Mail, and it’s mental little brother, The Sun’s coverage of Sammy’s pissgate (as we’re now obligated to call it) reeks of the worst kind of double standards. And talking of irony and double standards, I hope the person who issued the veiled warning to the young supporters last week, is talking a long hard look at themselves. Pot, kettle, black. But then again, timing is everything.
It was an extremely stupid thing to do, but I’m of the belief that they, football players, have little grasp of common sense. They are little more than children. If your every whim is catered for, then why should you bother growing up in the first place? Didn’t the repugnant Adam Johnson state recently when on trial that football had stalled his maturity! They genuinely believe that they’re beyond the constraints that govern the rest of us mere mortals. And therefore I seriously doubt that he was aware that relieving yourself in a pint-pot isn’t quite the done thing.
From a purely selfish point of view, I’d rather Carruthers wasn’t suspended against dirty bastards Albion, but he was. But from a moralistic point of view, I think the right tone has been set. We could hardly set ourselves up as the family friendly club that we are, then let this go unpunished. His punishment started with Winkie telling everyone how angry he was. Then Sammy gave away two weeks wages to deserving causes, which was nice. There was a humiliating apology filmed live on Sky, where Sammy had is best humble face on display. And finally Krobbo no doubt told us that Sammy was magnificent, a credit to himself and the club. That he would pick himself up and we all move on.
Quite a lot of people were very quick to take to social media calming that he’d let both the club and them down, well he hasn’t let me down. I care not one jot what he does off the pitch, with the proviso that it doesn’t affect me or mine. Him peeing in a glass didn’t hurt me. I don’t care. People, from my point of view, can do whatever the hell they want, as long as it won’t impact directly on me. I don’t know him personally, but whenever I’ve met professional footballers they’ve been little more than morons. Sorry, but that’s how it is. They don’t care about me, so why should I give a hoot about them? He’ll soon be gone somewhere else, I’ll still be here. I’ve followed this club for over 11 years. Leon Knight was a bloody idiot before he joined us. He was an idiot when he was here. He was an idiot when he played against us after he left. And for all I know he’s still an idiot. But he’s gone, and I’m still here.
Samir was a stupid boy, I’ve a child older than him, but no one died. The sun still rose this morning, and will no doubt set this evening. The Mail, and The Sun are no doubt laying into some other poor idiot this morning. In short, the world still goes on.
I’m writing this on Saturday night after Baker’s superb penalty, a quick check on today’s Mail reveals that the biggest news in the UK is that someone has sworn live on air on Chris Evans’ radio show, only 13 stories about the Kardashians today, slipping up there I suspect, The Queens almost 90, someone called Ian Duncan-Smith has done something they’re not quite sure is a good thing or a bad thing, but surprise surprise , nothing about Samir, or MK Dons.
It’s Family Fun day tomorrow at Stadium Colon MK, and you have the opportunity to stand in the presence of greatness. Our very own Bootsie and Radar – the two mad Dons fans who will be kayaking to the Fulham game to raise vital funds for Willen Hospice – will be there, in the flesh, looking remarkably sexy.
You can see more about the wonderfully stupid task they’re undertaking on their Facebook page, but more importantly, you can give them just a little of your cash too, either directly on their fundraising page or you can come have a go at the Tombola tomorrow. There are over 100 Tombola prizes or you can buy a raffle ticket to win an amazing Easter cake made by Megan Knight. Also all kids and adults are able to sit in the kayaks and see what the boys will be sitting in for 10/12 hours a day