Category Archives: News

The Trip to Kingston

Just a couple of points from me in the run up to the trip to Kingston.

First of all, while I completely understand the many reasons why a lot of our usual away travellers will be giving this one a miss, I’d urge you to think again.  Not going to a match is a difficult choice to make, and I know it won’t have been made without a lot of thought, but I would ask you to consider it once more.

Recent announcements by those supposedly in positions of responsibility within that club, combined with the disgraceful way that Robbo was treated there recently give a clue to the level of hostility that we as fans are likely to be met with by members of their staff. If there’s anyone left in the football world who still believes the myth that they are some sort of family friendly club, and club that acts in a way that others should aspire to, well it’s safe to say that these events should have put paid to it once and for all.
In any organisation, you will find individuals who are bad eggs, and football is no different.  What shows the character of any organisation is how they respond to their own bad eggs, and the Kingston lot have repeatedly shown that they are fully supportive of, and even proud of, the people in their fold who act in ways that would be considered abhorrent in any normal civilised environment.  The fact that our fans and club representatives have to enter the ground under police protection to provide protection from their fans shows just how out of control they are as a club, and they should be ashamed of themselves.

We’ve seen enough to know that they will feel no shame though, as they have managed to reach a point where they believe that any behaviour towards us is acceptable.  Sorry Kingston, but that makes you nothing more than a bunch of thugs, and you’re everything that’s wrong with the game.

So why am I asking those of you who have chosen not to attend to reconsider?  Purely because I’d love to see as close to our usual away crowd attending as possible – our genuinely family friendly crowd, who’ve been there and seen it all, who aren’t likely to rise to any provocation from Kingston staff on the day.  I’d love there to be laughter, and piss-taking and pride in everything that we’ve done together over the years, and the less of you who attend, the less representative the crowd on the night will be.

So do me a favour – if you’re currently in the ‘no’ camp, then give it another thought.

My second point concerns those who are going.  

My guess is that we’ll face a pretty hostile reception from both fans and staff.  Fans we expect to be hostile, and we’re used to it.  Staff we don’t expect to be hostile (and shouldn’t have to) and we’re not used to it, so it could be odd to say the least.  I would encourage you to shrug off any attempts to provoke you into some form of response, laugh at them and get on with supporting the Dons.  I would suggest that if possible, you capture any attempts by their stewards or other staff to provoke a reaction on camera, but don’t rise to it.  This game means everything to them, and in the wider scheme of things, nothing to us.
It’s a nothing game, with a nothing club, who are desperate to turn it into something, because without us, they’re nothing. 

Don’t give them the satisfaction.

Come on you Dons.

So Long and Thanks For All The Fish – For Now at Least

After three seasons of shows, guests aplenty and more fun than we have any right to have shared, it’s with a mix of sadness and relief that I have to announce that The MooCamp Radio Show has come to an end.

There are a number of reasons for it, but the main factors are a mix of the radio station itself no-longer being able to support a live show in the evening, and us feeling that the show at this stage had pretty much run its course, so it didn’t feel appropriate to start touting it round the radio stations of Milton Keynes.  And I guess the fact that the one station that we did approach didn’t get back to us helped make that decision too 😉

Anyway, from all of us here, I just wanted to say a huge thanks to everyone who listened, who got involved, who texted, tweeted, sent in ideas or who took the time to abuse us either as a group or individually.  It’s been great fun

Thank you.

Shares in MK Cleaning Firms Rocket

This Just In – Following today’s announcement that the Kingston lot have got through the playoffs, shares in MK cleaning firms are set to rocket when trading begins again on Tuesday morning.  Speaking exclusively to The MooCamp this evening, local cleaning magnate Roy Al-Doulton announced excitedly

“We’re going to be rich!  Rich I tell ya!  It’s been ages since we’ve had a proper boycott, and this one’s a dirty protest too?  Fantastic!  I’ve just been on the line to my broker, and we’ll both be retiring after this.”

The current status of the Armitage Shanks Countdown Clock shows that it is currently:

since anyone took a crap on the floor in the Boycott End

More on this once we’ve dug out the photos of the last dirty protest.

Buy The MooCamp Radio Show Scripts 2014-15

The Lexicon of Chav – 16/04/2016

Yes, it’s Lexicon time – the part of the show where each week we educate you, yes you, the educated elite, into the ways of the feral underclass that seemingly run our planet, by providing detailed translations of common ‘street-talk’.

This week, the words under scrutiny are:

Boys to mensh

Common usage:- Prestoney! In the zoner, ya’ll that’s a hardcore hood, but you want take on my man C here, go ahead because you know, he’s fierce, he gonna come up in your face he gonna major damage you, you gonna walk away maybe limp but I say talk to the hand, call waiting, ’cause he’s out, boy is out… I can’t restrains him ’cause I’m conversatin’ you right now to give him a chance to cool down, to get back to a realistic level, as it were because we could be chillin’ in our crib, representing the M to the K and Lakeshood, you know. Mallin’ it like we all can, boys to mensh, pimp my Mercedes, call me back, put you on hold, you know what I’m sayin’?

Definition:- ‘Now, we don’t want any palaver with the nice northern gentleman, Ruprecht, do we? Come along old bean…’.

Winkie earlier today
Winkie earlier today

Widely and incorrectly believed to have originated from the 2004 hit film, The Football Factory, its first recorded usage actually dates to Corineus, legendary eponymous hero of Cornwall. According to Geoffrey of Monmouth’s Historia regum Britanniae (1135–39), he was a Trojan warrior who accompanied Brutus the Trojan, the legendary founder of Britain, to England. Corineus killed Gogmagog(Goëmagot), the greatest of the giants inhabiting Cornwall, by hurling him from a cliff. A cliff near Totnes, Devon, is still called Giant’s Leap.

Disgraced Olympic Sprinter Challenges Robbo Over Samir Punishment

Johnson Slur
Johnson Slur

This Just In – in what has been described as one of the most hypocritical attacks in recent memory, disgraced Olympic sprinter and drug-cheat Ben Johnson today launched a blistering attack on Karl ‘Robbo’ Robinson’s handling of the Samir Caruthers PissGate story.

In a plea published in today’s Milton Keynes Citizen, Johnson claimed that the Dons were ‘the most unpopular side in the UK’, that Caruthers was a ‘Disgusting Juvenile’ and that the Dons were allegedly ‘a family club’.

The MooCamp says “We won’t be lectured on morality by a disgraced drug cheat, so how about sorting that out first Mr so-called Johnson?  If you’re keen to have your views taken seriously, then how about popping back in time and not cheating in the 1988 Olympic 100m final first eh?  Get your own house in order Mr Johnson, then, and only then, you can come back and have a go at our fine urinating lads.”

We’d also like to gently criticise the lack of consistency used – reference to both Milton Keynes Dons and Milton Keynes Football Club in the same article breaks all established rules of franchise bashing.

(The reference to ‘splashed’ in the first sentence was quite funny though)

More on this once we’ve established when he moved from Canada.

Casting begins for “No Toilet Training Allowed – The AFC Kingston Story”

The owner of the Heel of God
The owner of the Heel of God

Following today’s announcement that previously well-respected educationalist and author John Green intends to sully his reputation further by producing a film about the story of the Kingston lot, the footballing world is alive with speculation as to who will pick up some of the key roles.

Early reports suggest that “No Toilet Training Allowed – The AFC Kingston Story” will cover all the key moments in the club’s short history.  Current football showbiz rumours suggest that the arrest and imprisonment of their first goalscorer will feature prominently, and that the film will culminate in a very long slow-motion sequence of the ball looping from Semi’s heel, over Neil Sullivan’s head and into the net at the Cowshed end.

Bookies favourites to pick up the starring roles are currently as follows:

  • Glen Mulcaire – John Altman
  • Jon Otsemobor – Ryan Gosling
  • Neil Sullivan – Shaun Williams
  • Dirty Protestors – supplied by Whipsnade Zoo
  • Neil Ardley – Danny Dyer
  • Ivor Hellor – Steve McFadden
  • Erik Samuelson – Leslie Grantham
  • Pete Winkelman – George Clooney
  • John Brockwell – Clint Eastwood
  • Simon from London – Adam Woodyatt
  • Beavis and Butthead – Beavis and Butthead
  • Kevin from Bath – Ian Holloway
  • Sam Hammam – Eddie Izzard

We’ll keep you posted on the news as it happens.

Brando.

Radio Show Gallery Updated

ClemenWinkie
The much feared ClemenWinkie earlier today

Just a quick note – I’ve just been through the radio show gallery and updated the links to some of the shows that had become unavailable, so if you want to have a listen to any of the shows we’ve put out over the last few years, then they’re all up there.

If you’re surprised that an international media conglomerate such as ourselves could possibly have shows becoming unavailable, then once you’ve sobered up, here’s why it happens. Without going into too much detail, our shows are initially uploaded to the Secklow Sounds Spreaker site.  That’s where we link to, and where you can stream or download the show from within a couple of hours of live broadcast.  After a few weeks or months, the Secklow Spreaker site will delete older shows to free up space and keep costs down – as soon as I’m aware that any of our shows have been deleted, then I’ll upload them to our own MooCamp Radio Show Spreaker site.  I’ll then rebuild the links in the original posts to point to the long-term home of the shows.

If you happen to come across any shows where the recording is showing as deleted, then it’s either because I don’t know it’s gone yet, I haven’t had time to correct it, or I can’t be bothered.  You won’t know which one it is (though regular readers may be biased towards that latter option) so feel free to drop me a line and let me know.

Cheers.

Subscribers – An Apology

Bean Lewington
Bean Lewington

Dear all

I’ve been on a posting frenzy this evening, and the switch that I need to flick to say ‘don’t send emails to everyone for every bloody post, as that’s really likely to piss them off’ didn’t get flicked.

I’m currently flagellating myself in a mix of penitence and general amusement.

It’s still off btw, so you won’t see this unless you come to the website.  I thought it would be a bit off of me to send an email apologising for sending you so many emails.

Anyway, deep apologies.

Brando.

The Samir Caruthers’ Incontinence Clock

In response to significant supporter demand, combined with a specific request from Cheltenham Cleaning Supplies, we’re pleased to announce the arrival of the Samir Caruthers’ Incontinence Clock.  The clock, powered by a mix of modern technology and good old-fashioned ammonia, will track the time since Samir’s last ‘accident’, which we hope will provide a sense of ‘good-boy’ encouragement to Samir and all who know him.

To view the clock, just visit http://www.moocamp.com